A Billion Dependent Reasons

I am an Indian for last 21 years now. I was told since the time I could figure out various sounds that, no matter what, this will be your identity till your last breath. Having tasted the various spices and issues of my nation, I now see myself detached from the identity of being! It might sound anti- patriotic or expatriate for that matter, but the truth is, in the last 21 years only the time has changed and of course my age. The people who were rich then have either died or will RIP, rich, but the ones who were poor have experienced the wrath of life to an extent that they definitely want to die! The absurdly complex phenomenon of corruption has been diluted so severely into the system that even an illiterate goon finds no difficulty in adopting; understanding and mastering its concept that will leave the MITians run for their money and intellect. I am no politician, nor am I a statistician who has developed the right numbers and figures for the ones below or above poverty line, or equations that defines the course of our future, and neither do I have an ‘alchemists mantra’ to segregate the iniquitous and the candid. I am not even going to claim the famous Bollywood theme saying, “Main ek aam aadmi ki aawaz hoon!” (I am a common man’s voice!). I say what I see! I believe in what I see! And I definitely don’t see any protraction in development my nation should have retracted to a time, long in past. Renovating airports guarded by slums, building malls booked by fancy names and enameling the Western lifestyle is not a symptom of development but a condition that forces an individual to think that things have changed…Every car can be polished and buffed from the exterior to make it look new, but only the engine and suspension knows its longevity. We are a democracy, is where our politicians start exploiting us, the only definition they know is, ‘Power derived from the people’. But well again, in the process of deriving, they forget the element that fused into their powers- ‘WE’. We have ministers who are older than the age of my New Nation. It’s a proven psychological fact that the brains processing abilities take a rain check as we grow old, for I have not heard of a person becoming an Einstein at 70! So the point is, if the people governing my country are not able to generate ideas that will have radical outcomes or are worried about a limb surgery due to a chronic disease or boycotting a nations security for their own, how will those people be able to make a nation look ‘Citius, Altius, Fortius’? But let’s not get carried away, ‘a change begins at home’, a phrase I picked up early in my life and ‘Blame it on them’, should be the Jamie Fox, ‘My Nation’ mix. Like it or not, we are the ones responsible for our own chaos, by now, even Spiderman knows, ‘With great powers come great responsibility’. But we like to experiment with our powers, the Daredevils as some may call and then censure everything of the products of experiments. Nothing crops by its self, every step is a result of the previous and the next will be the result of now. We the people lack determination to change ourselves, we like to live under the quilt dusted by our English ancestors, a life of royalty is what we all care, but royalty is a tag that comes at a price by appreciating what we have and preserving its importance! Only 63 years of Independence and development for a nation that dates its existence for over 63 centuries? Something has definitely faltered on our way to ‘now’. A single foot might be able to kick some dust, but a billion pair can create seismic revolution…

The Reel...

It's been quite sometime now I have been thinking about.... gotchya ! No haven't been thinking about anything random and probably it wouldn't even matter to you much either but then again, I wanted to write so here I am. But there's something common that bonds the two people together, ha right! no it's not the sex (or copulation, for the geeks who like it that way, or are too shy to admit to the word itself! )nor is it the marriage, that people commit to without re-considering the consequences! By now the married ones might wanna stop reading this altogether, but then on second thought, I don't have any married follower- so saves me some lecture on that one! *phew*. Well, I am presuming by now it'll be better for me to let you know here that am just talking about Friendship. I know everyone has seen F.R.I.E.N.D.S by now and if not, don't worry, you haven't missed much but 6 friends who are you know- 'friends'.Am not talking about the number of friends you have on FB (Facebook, come on! Even i know that) or myspace or twitter or any of those socializing networks where 'your' number of friends are greater than 'my' number of friends ( how's that possible, did I not add all my nursery school friends?!). It's actually not about the numbers at all, nor is it about the one special 'girl' friend who you wanna end up dating , sleeping or probably even marrying ( Thinking of Harry met Sally? nay, not a good time I'd say).Big step huh, you naughty lil' mind! Have you had this feeling well, when you probably wouldn't have anyone- no parents, no siblings, probably even no life partner, but then there's this person who would be with you, standing next to you, not wanting anything, but being with you because he/she knows you guys have a lot to share. Not because you're miserable and your life sucks, but to make you understand that how every ray of light is an image of the past,present and the future that's been, and will be there, how every moment spent laughing or farting and then blaming it all on the sewage system, looking at those maidens made the life look so full and young, the shots of jager and Irish bomb had it all swivelling about the open spaces, were filled with 'us'. With whom talking anything and everything is not the issue- 'go tell her, you like her...', 'take a puff bro...','use protection, and don't be shy...', is like reading your mind and putting it in words, things you want to do, but it's this person who arranges the puzzle and presents it in lay man's term, for else life would be a complicated web of struggles and issues unsolved, mistakes not committed and lessons not learnt, with pages turned but the story forgotten- it's like writing in sand and looking at the sand clock ! It's a truth we never see and a lie we never say, but 'the friend' remains, when your world comes to an end. Don't wait for the right friend, because no one is right till you go wrong... :)

Solving the Unsolved..

It's a weird feeling when you think that a person feels the feeling of fear or its dependency only when they aren't able to see anything into the future. This is what happened to me tonight,when I was trying to sleep and all of a sudden my mind started wandering for, I presume, dreams- but gets stuck with this thought of fear. Imagining everything from the most oblivious nooks and corners of the vastly deserted mind of ours to the grey matter, that’s helping me do what I’m doing right now. It was always obvious to me that people get scared when they see something unexpected, something unexpected that's not really pleasant, something that brings about a feeling of fear. But it's such a funny feeling when you realize that all this while the assumption was like the tip of an iceberg that'll soon wreck the Titanic. And it did, didn't expect it to be so random and naive in nature. The thought of fear arises when we fail to see anything beyond the point where we are right now, a world blurred by our own visions about our forthcomings. It's a shattering image where in rush of blood everything runs in the head like a fast forward Hollywood sci-fi, where the day starts in the hospital but ends now, right now. Having said that, I am fluttered with my own experience of fear, a fear that bolted in me for a long time, inability to differentiate between a nightmare and reality! I'll have it posted sometime soon- The Experience, but as of now, it took me a while to get going. But for the first time I had a chance to understand the meaning of fear, to see through it, to peek into the microscopic nature of the word. It definitely is an abstract feeling that haunts you for a time till you believe in it, it possesses the mind and heart till you again start seeing the 'next', the way it should be and not frozen in the moment, and time. Is this what I have been feeling all this while? fear, fear of being alone? feeling that life will move on but I'll stay in it? Is this a fear or is it a fear to fear that the fear might end one day with life itself....?

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Jugglers Domain (a note for the 26/11 victims and the nation )

When the tear-drops fall down your skin ,it's called emotion. When the rain drop tickles your flesh its called sensation. When the paint brush splatters the canvas, its called imagination. But have you wondered why even then every soul that cries has no name to it?
An eye so soaked, with drops unheard, a soul that weeps makes me so weak!
A question so simple, that has no answer
To the pains they live through dark and light.
Torn apart ,or is it a scar?
Still abashed for the reason they dig,
Is this destiny or destined to be ?
They need a reason, a reason to be !
Drenched in blood, the mortals that laid
'Why me?! Why me?!', the treble gets raised
A seismic plea needs to be in place
To save the bones that get scattered ahead
Seize their jungles and deserts and plain
We'll fight these jugglers ,in the jugglers domain !!

A Page Un-Read

Torn to pieces, a million apart-
scorched to ashes, like it never was
blown away, by a zephyr so strong
all i had, a hope to hope on.
With a tickle underneath the skin, that sent a spark
shallow was it, the other half?
a sweet reply, a sensuous touch- awaiting was all this heart to lush
crime committed or the truth unearthed?
a simple question for a reason unheard.

In the dark it all crawls back- back to me,
today- the day it beats again, back to life!
It's blind, it's a feeling so turbulent- a congenial flow
in the eyes i see, it's you- with me
a touch sublime, a look intoxicating
is it a mirage, or a reflection i see
make me believe- make it happen
it's you too and not just me..

Insight

A vision, a dream
standing next to me- an ambiguous reality ,
hold it still or let it slip ?
leave the void or let it fill ?
An image in mind, cursing my thought,
having it leave, gives me jitters,
wanting it more, gives me shivers.
A life so complexed, it's not mine
leaving behind the rivulets that had it filled,
an ocean unconquered, a region mystified
leaves the ambiguity of nature unseen.
All i have is now 'n here,
leaving behind the questions i had,
searching the shore that dwells me in,
it's the only reason i try seek within !

Two Words, Too Many

Lost in a rhythm, a symphony divine
Moist are the eyes, cheering aside
Look within, it’s an emptiness- a singleton arise
On the shores, the horizons reflect
Staring back the visions alive,
Is this true or a mirage-a lie?
Into the depths the truth recedes
A million words juggling within,
Break-free the cuffs that hold, holding ‘em strong?
A moment like a life-span,
The magic, the trick shattered too soon
Into the realm, the shallowness arise
A dream, a myth befalls a strong tide…